If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize