I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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