oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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