He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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