so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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