I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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