so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
