Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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