I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
