Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
