first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
