Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
