I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
