Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
