This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Barsexuality is the new black.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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