I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
