I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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