I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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