I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
