I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
