her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize