I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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