Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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