roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
