with your own penis?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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