i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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