Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
