Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
