i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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