my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
