I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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