Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
