I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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