Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
