I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
