I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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