So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Two words: blizzard sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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