I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
