If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
