Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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