If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
