it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
