i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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