I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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