you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
