I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
