pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
