Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
MIDGETS
????
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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