My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
