I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
