Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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