What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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