i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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