it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
