i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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