do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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