The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
