We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize