I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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