my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
