We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
