Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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