farters have to be the big spoon...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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