dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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