I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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