I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
