So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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