dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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