he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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