You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
